Sending a Life to Senior Housing

In the United States, we do not, for the most part, cherish our elderly. Grown children seek out housing for their parents as they move into older age, especially if one parent has passed on, not wanting the burden of caring for an elderly parent. Many times, the parent is not informed of the move to senior housing until after arrangements have already been completed.  The following is a story similar to an event that happened to a woman I met who lives in just such an apartment building.

Imagine, if you will, having your child come to pick you up for a family weekend. You were expecting to stay at your daughter’s home and visit for a few days. The thought of quality time with your grandchildren excites you. You are all packed when they arrive. Your bags are stuck away in the trunk and you are settled into the back seat of their family car. As you pull out of the driveway of the home you have lived in from your early married time, you do not realize that you should be saying, “good-bye”.

Instead of arriving at your daughter’s home, you are driven to an apartment building in a small town on the perimeter of the city you lived in for the past 40 years. On the front of the apartment building in large letters are the words, “senior apartments”. You wonder who you are going to visit. There is no conversation as the car pulls up to the area that has a sign that reads "loading and unloading only".

Everyone disembarks from the car. You stand, waiting for direction. Where are we going? You think. Your daughter and her husband walk toward the front door. You follow, meekly, not knowing what exactly to do. They head straight for the office of the apartment complex. The apartment manager meets them at the door, smiling congenially as if they knew each other intimately. She glances over and sees you. She smiles and says, “Welcome! You must be …. We’re so glad to have you here with us.”

Suddenly, it dawns on you!!! They are putting me in senior housing!!! What about my house? What about my belongings? What about me!!! Panic sets in but is quickly replaced with a feeling of abandonment. Thinking back, you remember signing the document your daughter brought so she could “help you” with your bills. The document was a power of attorney.

The daughter has made arrangements to sell your home, to auction off your belongings and to trade in your car so your eldest granddaughter can have a new car to drive. There is a shuttle bus that will come to the apartment building and take you shopping, to lunch at the senior center and to walk the local mall in the mornings. You won’t need your car, anymore.

The very same day, you begin to meet your neighbors. The truck arrives that has the few belongings that were selected by your children to satisfy your needs in the new apartment. Your queen sized bed that you and your husband shared has been replaced with a twin. The lovely dining room table, that you inherited from your mother, has been replaced with a couple of bar stools so you can set up to the counter opposite the kitchen in the apartment. Your living room set has been replaced by one recliner. The wonderful glass topped umbrella table and chairs you kept on the veranda for early morning chats over coffee between you and your husband, has been donated to the senior apartment complex. And so goes the move into the apartment. Your neighbors congratulate you on shedding all your belongings. Now, you won’t need the storage area that is allotted to you on the same floor as your apartment. Can they have it for their things?!!

This is just the beginnings.  Days turn into weeks and visits from family go from daily to weekly and become monthly very shortly.  Trips to the grocery are now satisfied by the shuttle bus.  Thanks to the weekly bingo and musical presentations, you have a social life.  All too often the day is broken by the arrival of emergency services to take a neighbor to the emergency room of the hospital because they have fallen in the bathtub, forgotten to take their medication, overdosed,  or had a seizure.  Within the first 6 months, at least 6 people have died in their sleep.  You thank God that it wasn't you and feel terrible for such a prayer.

Though this story is a bit exaggerated, it is not that much for the women I have known who went through this. I am thankful that my sisters and brother were always there for my parents. For whatever reasons, I was never able to, nor did I have the luxury of living close to my parents at any time in my adult life. My parents lived in the country in a house that my brother built for them after my father retired from his work in the oil industry. They were Blessed of God and never abandoned.